Rambling #1 |Hi, I have social anxiety.

Hi, my name is Kimsiang and I am socially awkward. 

I’m a major introvert, nerd, wallflower, and whatever you call it. I’m the kind of person who wants to just dissolve into a wall when I’m alone in public. I would avoid attending an event if I know there are going to be a lot of people that I know go. I am afraid of change. I care what people think. I am afraid of the stares. I am afraid of the snide remarks. I’m awkward with compliments. I don’t know how to comfort people. I don’t like physical contacts. I can’t look at people in the eyes even while talking to them. I can’t even walk at a normal speed. I always sprint, I always feel like I just want to get out of here. Even talking, I’m always babbling or mumbling, because I just want to get it all out before somebody interrupt or they would all stop listening. I feel like everyone is judging me. I have my earphones with me 24/7. I would look at the floor instead while entering a cafe and such. I want to die when I have to search for my friends in public. I run away from problems, dilemmas. I use sarcasm to hide all my feels. I would trail after my friend when at parties. I don’t participate much in class just because I’m shy. I would have vlog instead but I’ve never felt confident about my appearance. Even blogging, I don’t feel confident to upload a clear full selfie of me.

I don’t have a solution for any of those yet. But I made this post to say that, you’re not alone, if you are shy and weird and awkward. I am proud of me that I am weird and I don’t know why. And I think you should be proud of yourself too, your weirdness is your unique trait, don’t ever change no matter what they say. (This is for myself too :p)

(I don’t even know if I should post this. This is too awkward. Bye.)

Love and loads of love,

Kimsiang

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16 thoughts on “Rambling #1 |Hi, I have social anxiety.

  1. It’s not at all awkward. I started readong this and I was like – “Holy shit! I’m so much similar to you.”
    I too blabber and mumble and I’m a introvert. I seem to get weird when someone compliments me and I too don’t talk with eye contact.
    But I’m an extrovert at home. I’ll do silly things in front of my family and I’ll not care. Maybe I’m an introvert because I’m scared of what other people may think about me and I don’t really be ‘me’ in public.
    But this post was great and I feel proud of myself too. Thanks.:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s not at all awkward. I started readong this and I was like – “Holy shit! I’m so much similar to you.”
    I too blabber and mumble and I’m a introvert. I seem to get weird when someone compliments me and I too don’t talk with eye contact.
    But I’m an extrovert at home. I’ll do silly things in front of my family and I’ll not care. Maybe I’m an introvert because I’m scared of what other people may think about me and I don’t really be ‘me’ in public.
    But this post was great and I feel proud of myself too. Thanks.:)
    And sorry for writing an essay, I just couldn’t stop myself! ;P

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aw, kimsiang! thanks for sharing with us! you’re very brave! i don’t have social anxiety, but i have academic performance anxiety and i know how hard living with anxiety can be πŸ˜› but it is a brave thing to live in spite of fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You have no idea how thankful I am to have seen this post. I feel like this ALL THE TIME and it’s making me a little crazy. I don’t think any of my friends know or understand how much I stress out over the smallest of social situations with them and as a result I think I’m growing apart from them, and I don’t want to but it’s happening anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are definitely not alone, I avoid weddings and parties at all cost, I don’t mix well with them. And that cafe thingy, I try not to look anywhere aside from straight to the counter, it feels all the eyes are on ypu even if it’s not the case. And I absolutely freeze and become all nervous if I have to say anything infront of the class, those time I can’t stop admiring my shoes! πŸ˜›

    Nonetheless, this was a brave post Kimsiang, absolutely loved it! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me toooooo! When check bill and stuffs, I just can’t look at their faces! Eye contact is harder! Most people think I’m rude when I’m just shy :///// And public speaking and getting called in class is the worst! Thank you for reading, Poulami! (Is your nickname Pooh? Winnie the Pooh? That’s so cute, I feel like Pooh is your perfect nickname)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah hehe… Well, in junior school, I had too many nicknames with P, everybody called whatever they liked but it was pretty fun, then finally it stuck at Polo all through high school. πŸ˜€ Now whenever people at my college calls me with my full name, it sounds so weird! But college life has now come to an end as well, I don’t know what’s going to happen in university life! πŸ˜›

        Like

  6. This was a truly relatable post! I’m an introvert, too although I sometimes try to really fit in. But, I just don’t think that fitting in sits well with me. I rather showcase my true self than stick to society’s norm. Thank you also for saying that you’re not alone ’cause you really aren’t! And because of this, I love the way you embrace your individuality. God bless, Kimsiang! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are so not alone! I admit that I am an outgoing person both on and offline, but I have my moments with social anxiety. i can’t be near large groups with teenagers. I suffered heavy bullying at school and just looking at those smart-asses faces that they pull after they turn 13 makes me sick in the stomatch. You are not alone. We all have our moments and that’s who we are ❀ You were very brave in putting this all out, congrats!! ❀ Love you, Kim!

    Liked by 1 person

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